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Violence Is the End; Misogyny Grows in Stages.

Sexual violence is a serious part of a bigger issue called gender-based violence (GBV). This includes all kinds of harmful behaviour aimed at someone because of their gender, like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Although it can happen to anyone, it’s a problem that mainly affects women and girls.

#UnderstandingSexualViolence

It’s often misunderstood or brushed off in casual conversations. How many times have you heard someone say, “How could that happen?” “It came out of nowhere.” “He seemed like a normal guy.” when hearing about a violent incident?

And why do those reactions keep happening?

[TW: Mentions of sexual, & physical violence, femicide, victim-blaming]

[Read Time: 7 - 10mins]

 

These reactions are understandable, but they miss the bigger picture. They ignore the underlying culture that dismisses, minimises, and explains away gender-based violence. This culture doesn’t just appear overnight, it builds up over time, shaping how we view and treat women. The shocking acts of violence we hear about are just the tip of the iceberg. The real problem lies beneath the surface, in attitudes and behaviours that let violence continue unchecked.

To better understand how acts of extreme violence against women and girls can happen so often, we can turn to a psychological tool called Allport’s Scale of Prejudice and Discrimination. This scale, created by psychologist Gordon Allport to understand the rise of anti-Semitism during Nazi Germany, can help us see how harmful attitudes towards women can escalate into violence. It also gives us a clear framework for how we can challenge these attitudes and stop violence before it gets to the point of murder.

Stage 1: Anti-Locution – “It’s Just a Joke…”

It all starts with how we talk.

In this first stage, called anti-locution, a dominant group, often without even realising it, begins to define a targeted group through negative talk. This includes gossip, cruel jokes, stereotypes, and myths that paint the group in a negative light.

In terms of gender, think about the way women are often spoken about in some men’s spaces.

Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “locker-room talk”, sexist jokes, bragging about conquests, or comments that reduce women to objects. Then there’s the “get back in the kitchen” type of humour. It’s presented as harmless, but it reinforces the idea that women belong in certain roles and not others.

Now consider online spaces, especially among incel (involuntary celibate) communities, where this kind of talk is taken to extreme levels. In these groups, women are regularly dehumanised described as manipulative, shallow, or inherently untrustworthy. Members often share dangerous ideas about how women “owe” men sex or affection and blame women for their own unhappiness or lack of relationships.

Public figures like Andrew Tate have become notorious for promoting these views, using social media to broadcast misogynistic messages to millions of young followers. Tate has spoken openly about dominating women, expressed harmful stereotypes, and encouraged men to control or disregard women’s autonomy [1].

This isn’t just “bad behaviour” online. It’s the first step in a pattern of prejudice. When these messages go unchallenged, especially by those who aren’t directly affected, they help normalise harmful attitudes. And what’s normalised becomes accepted.

That’s why anti-locution is so dangerous. It plants the seed.

Stage 2: Avoidance – Leaving Women Out

Once stereotypes and myths are in place, it becomes easier to avoid or exclude the targeted group.

Avoidance can be subtle, like not listening when a woman speaks up in a meeting, or more blatant, like leaving women out of leadership roles or decision-making spaces[2]. It often shows up in everyday situations. In the workplace, for instance, a manager might consistently ask female staff to take notes or organise events, assuming they’re better suited to support roles, regardless of their actual position [3]. Sometimes it’s intentional. Sometimes it’s unconscious bias. Either way, the message is the same: you don’t belong here. 

Avoidance can also happen in places you might not expect, like healthcare. Women’s pain is often dismissed or minimised, written off as stress, anxiety, or “just hormones.” When women aren’t believed or taken seriously, they may stop seeking help altogether [4].

We also see avoidance in more extreme forms, such as in online communities like “Men Going Their Own Way” (MGTOW), where thousands of men vow to exclude women from their lives completely, believing them to be manipulative or dangerous. These groups take avoidance to the extreme, but they’re part of the same pattern [5].

Avoidance might not always look aggressive, but it quietly reinforces the idea that women are “less than”, less competent, less trustworthy, less worthy of time and attention. And that makes it easier to justify treating them unfairly later on.

Stage 3: Discrimination – When Exclusion Becomes Policy

At this stage, prejudice starts to show up not just in personal behaviour, but in real-life systems, like, education, housing, and healthcare [6, 7]. Now, women aren’t just being ignored, they’re being treated unfairly and denied opportunities.

This might look like the gender pay gap, where work traditionally done by women is paid less [8]. Or sexual harassment, which makes many workplaces and public spaces feel unsafe [9]. Discrimination becomes normalised—and accepted.

But not all women face the same kinds of discrimination. Women of colour, disabled, working-class, or LGBTQ+ women, often face multiple forms of prejudice at the same time, making it harder for them to access safety, opportunities, or resources [10].

By the time we reach this point in the Allport Scale, society has already signalled that women are “less than.” But we must also recognise that some women are pushed even further to the margins, and therefore, are at even greater risk of being left behind or mistreated.

Stage 4: Physical Attack – When Harm Goes Unchallenged

Now we’re moving into violence. And alarmingly, society often looks the other way.

We know that 1 in 3 women will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime [11]. The conviction rate for rape and attempted rape was, for the 10^th year in a row, the lowest for any crime type in Scotland in 2021-22. Just 48% of rape cases that made it to court in 2021-22 resulted in a conviction [12]. Survivors are regularly blamed, dismissed, or disbelieved. This is where victim-blaming comes in, when society, or even friends and family, make excuses for the abuser’s actions or suggest that the victim somehow “deserved” what happened. Common phrases like “she shouldn’t have gone out dressed like that” or “she could’ve left if she wanted to” shift the blame onto the victim instead of holding the abuser accountable.

When a group has been dehumanised and their suffering dismissed, it becomes easier for violence to go unchallenged. Physical harm against women, whether in intimate relationships or public spaces, becomes just another sad statistic. If we don’t hold perpetrators accountable and challenge victim-blaming, we make it easier for this cycle of abuse to continue.

Stage 5: Extermination – The Deadliest Cost

This final stage can sound extreme. But it’s very real.

In the UK, 2 women are killed every week by a partner or ex-partner [13]. That’s not random. That’s systemic. It’s a result of a society that allows misogyny, abuse, and violence to flourish unchecked, where the gradual dehumanisation of women leads to the ultimate form of harm—death.

This is what the end of the Allport Scale looks like. It starts with a joke. It ends with someone’s life.

The psychological and emotional toll on survivors, and those left behind after such acts of violence, is profound. It’s easy to forget that murder doesn’t just affect the victim, it tears apart families, friends, and entire communities. Survivors of intimate partner violence often live in fear, knowing that leaving an abusive relationship can escalate the violence, sometimes fatally. Many victims are isolated, either physically or emotionally, from support networks, making it even harder to leave.

The rise in femicide (the killing of women because of their gender) and gender-based violence (GBV) globally paints a horrifying picture. Yet, even as the numbers grow, we see systemic failure in response. Misogynistic attitudes, victim-blaming, and insufficient support for survivors only enable the cycle to continue.

A key point is that gender-based violence doesn’t begin with physical assault or murder. It begins long before, at the levels of subtle prejudice, discrimination, and harm that we might dismiss as “just a joke” or “harmless banter.” But when we fail to challenge these attitudes, they snowball. They lead to a culture that normalises violence, making it easier for the most extreme cases to occur.

This isn’t just about individual acts of cruelty, it’s a societal problem, one that demands our collective action to challenge these norms and prevent the cycle from continuing.

So, what can we do?

How do we fight something as pervasive and far-reaching as gender-based violence? It might feel overwhelming, like trying to cut off all the heads of a Hydra, but change starts with small, everyday actions. It begins with calling out that joke. When someone makes a sexist comment or cracks a harmful joke, don’t let it slide. Your voice challenges the culture behind it.

It also means not letting other women be dismissed. Whether it’s in a meeting where someone talks over them, in a group chat where their ideas are ignored, or in a conversation where they’re second-guessed, back them up. Echo their points. Say, “I think she was making a really good point just now,” or “Let’s go back to what she said earlier.” These small moments of support show that women’s voices matter. When we stand with each other, we make it harder for everyday sexism to go unnoticed.

But above all, we must support survivors. When someone comes forward with their story, don’t question their actions or their decisions. Don’t try to rationalise or dismiss their experience. Listen to them. Believe them. That might sound simple, but for many survivors, feeling believed is a game-changer. It can be the first step toward healing and recovery. Offer to help them find the support they need; don’t let them face it alone.

And don’t forget to be an active bystander. If you witness harmful behaviour, whether it’s harassment, abuse, or someone making inappropriate comments, step in. You don’t have to be confrontational, but your presence can make a difference. Whether it’s supporting the person who’s being hurt or simply making it clear that such behaviour won’t be tolerated, being an active bystander shows that we all have a part to play in creating a safer world.

When we believe survivors, stand by them, and act in the moment, we send a powerful message: no one has to endure violence in silence, and no one should feel ashamed for seeking help. If we all commit to supporting survivors and standing up when we see harm happening, we create a safer world for everyone.

Each of us has the power and responsibility to help dismantle the pyramid of violence. By supporting survivors, calling out harmful behaviours, challenging the attitudes that perpetuate abuse, and being active bystanders, we start to change the culture. We start to build a world where gender-based violence is no longer tolerated, and survivors are never made to feel less than.