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The “Man v Bear” Thought Experiment

Our support worker, Rhiannon, mulls over the viral ‘Man v Bear’ debate, and what it means to move through society as a women. 

[TW: mentions of abuse, death, & descriptions of sexual violence]

[Read Time: 3-4 mins]

If you are on any social media platform, or have been for the last week or so, you may have come across the viral man versus bear debate circulating the web.

If you haven’t heard of it yet, it goes as follows; would you rather be stuck in forest with a bear or a man? For some, the clear answer is the man, because another human is safer than the bear, right? On the contrary, for millions of women who have answered this question, the bear is the safer option – this answer has in turn sparked massive debates, with a lot of men asking us why on earth would we choose the bear, the men in my life included. So, I thought we could spend a little time looking at why women have chosen the bear and breaking down this metaphor into the stark reality that a lot of women and survivors of abuse face on a daily basis.

The Bear is a Metaphor

Firstly, the bear is a metaphor. We can replace the bear with any wild animal that could pose a potential threat, the bear could be a gorilla, a tiger or even a racoon! Because it’s not about the bear, it’s about what the bear and the man represent. What seems to be getting lost in translation in a lot of the debates I’ve seen, is why this choice is significant.

So, to put it bluntly, and on behalf of all the women and survivors who have chosen the bear, I’ll say this; We have chosen to potentially die from a bear attack rather than take the risk of what the man might do. We are very aware there is still a risk with choosing the bear, the difference is, we can anticipate what that risk is likely to be – with the man, that risk isn’t always clear, and for most of us that’s too big of a risk to take.

Why Does The Bear Feel Safer?

Below I’ve included quotes taken from multiple social media platforms to explain why we have chosen the bear (survivors please note there will be potentially triggering descriptions below).

“The bear wouldn’t pretend to be my friend first”.

“The bear and I are hunted for sport, both of us are objectified as prizes, we are no different”.

“People would believe me if I said I was attacked by a bear”.

“No one would tell me I liked or enjoyed the bear attack”.

“The bear wouldn’t record it and send it to his friends”.

“The bear sees me as a human”.

“If I was attacked by a bear, no one would ask what I was wearing or if I drank too much”.

“People wouldn’t tell you to think about the bears future before reporting”.

“The worst thing the bear could do is kill me”.

This is not an extensive list, if you google this debate, you will find hundreds of other quotes like this. Because this is the reality that many women and survivors face every single day.

I think these examples speak for themselves and know that they will resonate with a lot of people. Experiences of sexual violence and domestic abuse are traumatic, and the subsequent victim blaming attitudes that survivors face on a regular basis only serve to prove why the bear can be the more appealing option.

Responses to the Debate

Columnist Kate Lister who was the original author of the article spoke up on twitter about the reaction she’d had since its publication; “Since writing this article, I have received messages from angry men, calling me names, telling me I’m wrong & that I’d be begging a man to save me if I was lost in the woods. To recap, there are men sending me abusive emails to prove they are the safe choice. So far, no bears have written in.” Again, I think the reactions really do speak for themselves, but herein lies the very principle of the debate. Women and survivors have tried to highlight the potential risks and realities associated with choosing the bear or the man, but others have responded with abusive comments, emails and have refused to acknowledge the lived experiences of survivors, which is a huge part of the problem – and has proven why, for many, the bear is the safest option.

Whatever side you take – The STAR Centre will support you if you experience sexual violence.

At this point I also want to branch and acknowledge a vital aspect of this debate. As a service that actively supports all identities who have experienced any form of sexual violence, and yes this includes men, we know it is not all men. The men in our lives who have never harmed us have been horrified to realise that in this scenario, we would rather take our chances with the bear. These men are our allies, the ones who aren’t afraid to challenge the narratives and have these open and honest conversations with their families and friends, we are grateful for you. And to the men who may be reading this who are survivors, we see you, and we understand that you might also choose the bear.

If you have been affected by any topics discussed within this blog, please get in touch with us through our office phone number: 01563 544686 and ask to speak to a member of the support team.

 

Rhiannon, Support Worker