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Review: Baby Reindeer

Our fantastic Centre Manager, Elaine, has taken time to pull together some of her thoughts on Netflix’s hit new show “Baby Reindeer”. Created-by and starring Richard Gadd this mini-series explores the true story of Gadd’s experiences of stalking and sexual abuse.

[TW: mentions of sexual violence, grooming, stalking, victim-blaming, and stigmatising language]

[Read Time: 4-5mins]

I normally choose not to engage in dramas about sexual violence but found myself unable to stop watching this.

Baby Reindeer is without doubt a tough watch. It is an outstanding exploration of the way groomers abuse their power over an individual. If you have ever thought, ‘why did they keep going back?’ to an abusive relationship - then you must watch this to understand the complexities at play.

It is an outstanding exploration of the way sexual violence impacts of the life of those affected. Particularly, the way an experience of sexual violence can affect a person’s sense of sexuality. If you have ever thought ‘Why would somebody who has been raped start having lots of risky sex?’ Baby Reindeer unpacks some of the reasons why.

When sexual violence happens people often ask, ‘Why didn’t they just tell somebody?’, or even ‘Could they not just put it behind them?’ 

The main character is the programme is male. We find it difficult to talk about rape when it is women and girls who have been raped – even thought this is shockingly commonplace in our society.  Anyone who discloses an experience of rape are amongst the bravest people you will ever meet, because they are still questioned, disbelieved, blamed, shamed and made to feel they somehow deserved it. 

For men there is an additional barrier and that is society’s heteronormative stereotype of what is to be a ‘real man’.  I still encounter people who genuinely don’t know that men can be raped and more who think if they had ‘really tried’ they’d be able to fight off their assailant or that only gay men are raped. These myths, falsehoods and societal attitudes create an additional barrier for men to come forward.

I commend anybody brave enough to talk about their experience of being groomed and/or raped and to do so in such an honest and raw way, knowing it will be watched by millions of people, was remarkable.

At The STAR Centre, we support anybody (age 13+) who has experienced any type of sexual violence at any time in their lives.  We are committed to providing a space which feels (and is) safe for all survivors irrespective of their gender identity, sexuality, ethnicity, age, disability, sex, religion or gender reassignment.  If you have been impacted by anything you saw in Baby Reindeer and are ready to talk, we are ready to listen.

You can contact us by phone 01563 544686 or use our secure online form and we will get back to you about what we can do to help you.