Blog
Shame
Although shame and guilt often overlap, they are not the same. Shame is more about how we view ourselves deep down, while guilt is about believing we have done something wrong. Both can weigh heavily, even though neither belongs to survivors of sexual violence.
Survivors have described shame as one of the most painful and isolating feelings they have experienced. It can feel tangled, overwhelming, and deeply personal. Many describe it as something that clings and weighs them down, leaving them feeling small, unworthy, or convinced that no one will want to help.
This can make it harder to ask for support or to talk about what happened.
But here’s the truth: this shame does not belong to you.
Relationships after Sexual Violence
Read Time: 6-10min
Experiences of sexual violence can cause significant trauma as well as short and long-term physical, emotional and sexual wellbeing issues. It can be a significant experience which can alter your view of the world, making it difficult to trust others, including yourself, or relate to people in the way you used to. Your confidence and self-esteem may have been impacted by your experience, and it can make you feel uncomfortable with any form of physical or emotional contact. You may find your relationships with other people, including your friends, intimate partner, children and wider family, have also been impacted by your experience. You may wish to withdraw yourself from social situations, isolate yourself from those who care about you or struggle to form new connections with others. Experiences of sexual violence can also affect how you feel about sex and intimacy. This does not mean you are damaged or broken, it means your brain and body have been impacted by significant trauma, and all these impacts are both normal and common responses to an experience of sexual violence.
Violence Is the End; Misogyny Grows in Stages.
Sexual violence is a serious part of a bigger issue called gender-based violence (GBV). This includes all kinds of harmful behaviour aimed at someone because of their gender, like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Although it can happen to anyone, it’s a problem that mainly affects women and girls.
It’s often misunderstood or brushed off in casual conversations. How many times have you heard someone say, “How could that happen?” “It came out of nowhere.” “He seemed like a normal guy.” when hearing about a violent incident?
And why do those reactions keep happening?
[TW: Mentions of sexual, & physical violence, femicide, victim-blaming]
[Read Time: 7 - 10mins]
Understanding Nightmares, Night Terrors, & Sleep Problems
Our Support Worker, Rhiannon, has pulled together this blog post on nightmares, night terrors, and sleep problems. In this post she explains the difference between nightmares, and night terrors, how they may impact you, and self-care tips for sleep.
[Read Time: 4-5 mins]What to do if an adult tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted or raped
It can be really difficult to know what to say if an adult shares with you that they have been sexually assaulted or raped. I always think that they key is ultimately about the following three things: listen, validate, support.
Listen. Give them your full attention in a safe space. Let them use their own words, without rushing them or interrupting.
Validate. Believe and validate the person’s experience and accept that there is no right or wrong way to act following a sexual attack. Crying and shaking, still and silent – all totally normal.
Support. Be there with them whilst they decide on their next steps. Check if they need medical help and support them accessing those services. Remember not to force your opinion of what they ‘should’ do.
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